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5 SIGNS YOU NEED TO CUT HER OFF!



Recently, I have been having a lot of conversations surrounding friendships with my girls. In the solace of my dorm room, we talk for hours on hours about our college experience with friendships. I talked about finding comfort in my female friendships in a previous blog post.

As an extrovert, I find myself meeting more new people every day, and while a large part of me enjoys meeting them, I believe a larger part of me finds it increasingly harder to trust others. Now, I am no professional on friendships but I do have 20 years of experience from forming both, awful and beautiful connections.


To make it easier for you to recognize a toxic friendship, here are five signs that you might need to re-evaluate and establish new boundaries with your friends.




  1. Beware of a friend who one ups you.

True friendship is built on mutual support and celebration of each other's accomplishments, but a friend who is constantly trying to outdo you may be hiding self-doubt or a competitive attitude. Instead of a persistent demand for affirmation or superiority, healthy relationships are founded on equality and respect for one another's accomplishments.





2. Sorry Not Sorry?


Sincere apologies promote honesty in the area of friendship. However, some people find it difficult to show true sorrow, which impedes the bond's maturation. Without genuine apologies, the fabric of friendship may tear, putting the relationship's strength to the test. Mistakes are common in friendships, especially with someone you've known for a long time. However, if your friend refuses to apologize or accept responsibility for their wrongdoing, it becomes difficult to trust them. This lack of accountability may manifest itself in apologies like "I'm sorry you're offended" or "I'm sorry that my actions hurt you but it is not on me entirely..." A genuine apology should highlight the other person's feelings rather than becoming an argument.




3. Little White Lies


We're not going to be naive goody-two-shoes and claim that all liars are bad. Because in reality, we all do lie at some point. Sometimes we lie to escape an unpleasant topic or scenario; other times, we lie to protect the sentiments of others. But some people take it too far. It's a red sign if you discover someone is lying about important issues or dumb, status-related things that indicate they're more concerned with appearances than genuine.




4. Boundaries? What's that?


Mutual respect for one another's limits develops trust and understanding in true friendships. When friends fail to respect your boundaries, it can strain your connection. Open communication and a willingness to accept and respect each other's limits characterize healthy friendships. Ignoring or ignoring these boundaries may cause anxiety and inhibit the formation of a strong, long-lasting relationship. Such challenges must be handled honestly in order to have a decent and respectful relationship.




5. It is now OUR trauma...


We have all at some point fallen victim to the fried who will just make EVERYTHING about themselves. These are the classic "You have depression? I have depressive disorder!". These friends won't ever stop talking about themselves, and will not listen when you have something fruitful or important to share. In all their narratives, they are the victim and they can not seem to take your mental health into account when they start ranting. They aren't just inconsiderate, they take every opportunity they can get to dump unsolicited trauma onto you.




Reflecting on the complexities of friendships, I've understood the critical need of identifying and treating harmful behaviors. From the dangers of jealousy to the importance of genuine apologies, from the impact of small white lies to the importance of respecting boundaries, and finally, the red flag of a friend who consistently makes everything about themselves—these indicators provide valuable insights into the health of our relationships.



May these thoughts lead me in developing connections that elevate and enhance my life as I continue to traverse the maze of friendships.



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16 bình luận


Annum Shehryar
Annum Shehryar
01 thg 12, 2023

I appreciate how you emphasized the boundaries part. I believe that the most problematic and concerning point is when a friend thinks that since they are friends with you, you owe them your time and energy beyond your capacity and that there are unrealistic expectations laid out by them that you are pressured to fulfill without those expectations communicated or any healthy discussion on what both parties want in a friendship. Also I believe that just because they are close to you, does not mean you owe them information that is personal to you. It is important to set boundaries on what is acceptable and not acceptable when it comes to sharing personal information, this also extends to belongings

Thích

I feel like we never talk about healthy vs unhealthy friendships enough. It's always about a relationship and never the interactions you have on a daily basis. The things that you have mentioned in your article are really important factors in friendships that I feel that as much as they are subtle, they hold a lot of importance nohow it makes one feel. I really like that you have brought this to light in hopes that it raises more awareness around us to evaluate not just relationships and significant others but rather friendships as well form this lens.

Thích
Neiha A. Siddiqui
Neiha A. Siddiqui
01 thg 12, 2023
Phản hồi lại

Friendships indeed play an important part in our everyday lives, and your observation of small yet significant variables adds complexity to this discussion because we see friendships as such an everyday, not that deep thing. Yet, it is! Raising knowledge of the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy friendships is critical for promoting a more holistic assessment of our relationships.

Thích

It's a complicated journey to navigate friendships, and your insights help clarify the subtle differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. The value of sincere apologies, the importance of respecting boundaries, and the emphasis on cooperation over competition strike a deep chord. Your examination of tiny white lies and the sobering anecdotes of friends who make the world revolve around themselves provide a useful framework for introspection and judgement

Thích

It's a complicated journey to navigate friendships, and your insights help clarify the subtle differences between healthy and unhealthy relationships. The value of sincere apologies, the importance of respecting boundaries, and the emphasis on cooperation over competition strike a deep chord. Your examination of tiny white lies and the sobering anecdotes of friends who make the world revolve around themselves provide a useful framework for introspection and judgement

Thích

I think we've all been there. Situations where you know a friendship is unhealthy but you're nonetheless engaging. This article covers most if not all of the issues that I've personally faced with unhealthy friendships and genuinely gave me a major reality check. Specially in the context of uni, since its such a fast paced environment where you rarely get to just sit and think, its very important to look out for such signs, specially ones that people usually overlook like the fifth one. The other's are more simple to identify but how do you maneuver around someone who does have the tendency to make everything about themselves because at the end of the day they are telling you about…


Thích
Neiha A. Siddiqui
Neiha A. Siddiqui
01 thg 12, 2023
Phản hồi lại

Healthy competition is, in the context of university friendships, a key component almost. I feel like one needs the nudge of ambitious friends to keep them motivated and on track. However, when I speak about competition– I do not mean healthy, ambitious competition, rather the sort where it's the little "You bought a bike? Well, I have a car" or "You did well on a quiz? I got the highest on my mid-term". To celebrate each others achievements is key, and not demeaning one another's accomplishments.

Also on the bit on maneuvering, it is best to have an open conversation. Proceed the conversation with kindness and empathy, tell them "I understand how things are effecting you, and I sincerely apologize…

Thích
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