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Is He/She a RED FLAG?

If life is seen as a trajectory of failures and learning experiences, this leverage should be extended beyond the quotes we see online. Cancel culture is prevalent in recent times, where people barely observe the tip of the iceberg and form an opinion about another being or a group of people. This results in their immediate reaction, which is usually negative and results in canceling the group or the individual. Cancel culture is not seen as unfavorable but rather as a support system-like notion where one human relies on the judgment of others.

Let’s suppose marriage is the center of the discussion. Females write a 5-line paragraph on platforms like ‘Girl Power’ explaining a situation and other girls’ comment “Run.” Problems often have much more complexity than a 5-line explanation; therefore, advice and potential options could be a safer reply than determining whether the girl should end the relationship. On a Facebook group, one female posts about their husband, stating that he did not talk to her for a day when they argued. In the comments section, other females would reach conclusions like “Girl, he is ghosting you, leave him,” “he is a red flag,” and “A person who truly loves you would never go one day without talking to you.” This is the cancellation process. The female who has trusted this set of females would not see her relationship with her husband as toxic and unworthy of her attention and care.

Marriages last for years and have much more than a binary of white and black, good and bad. A third person boxing your wedding in a binary result in the breaking of marriages. While it is appreciable for both the male and the female community to have friends and advisors to rely on, it is harmful to trust the advice given on a whim. Not talking to one’s partner for a day may result from an avoidant attachment style. This may also result from how they were raised and how conflict was dealt with while they were growing up. As adults, we frequently need space to cool down after arguments and disagreements, and play should, therefore, be validated.

Social media and the reels posted on Instagram and TikTok create an unrealistic image of love and what it looks like. “One should never sleep angry with their partner” – perhaps sometimes one should sleep angry and talk through the situation once they have woken up. Canceling another human being would mean invalidating them as a person and expecting perfection from them. This includes instilling those expectations in the person seeking advice from you. The younger generations, especially, have started to swipe people right and left in terms of substantial life events such as marriage, breakups, and friendships. Cancel culture is perpetuating chaos rather than promoting self-growth and peace.


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Neiha A. Siddiqui
Neiha A. Siddiqui
Dec 01, 2023

The example of ladies urging one other to "run" based on a quick explanation of a scenario shows the risks of making hasty decisions in complicated subjects such as relationships. I can never decide if this trend is good or does it just shadow the actual issues women face in toxic/abusive relationships?

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Interesting. While I appreciate your thoughts on the need to eradicate the 'cancel culture' as existent in 'girl power' groups on social media, I also feel that we should resist the tendency to view everything in black and white. You mentioned that social media creates an "unrealistic image of love"; it isn't always the case, and again, everything isn't black-and-white. Though I agree that social media mostly shows the 'good' side of marriage, I feel it is also necessary to view the other side of it, wherein such matters 'girl power' groups on social media can educate women who are trapped in abusive marriages. What if a girl or a woman doesn't even know she is being manipulated by her…

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Sara Masood
Sara Masood
Dec 01, 2023
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Yes, helping fellow women identify the red flags in their marriage is appreciable. Also, so many women are unaware of what they a=should expect or ask for? What they can set the standard to. Because in Pakistan, the idea of marriage and partnerships is rather toxic at its abuse. However, you misunderstood the point of my blog a little. I endorse the help girls provide to each other, however cancelling another human being on a whim is wrong. It is deteriorating to marriages and relationships. Oftentimes, men are being cancelled for “not looking at her a certain way” and these things have nuanced much deeper than he’s good to go OR don’t marry him. This brings us to what you…

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Hello, the post highlights quite an exciting topic of red flags, and yes, "Girl Power" is one of the platforms that many women in lums use. As much as I appreciate you posting this, I think there could be two opinions; sometimes, women do not realize they are in toxic relationships and want the perspectives of someone outside their social circle to decipher it for them. Secondly, sometimes, these groups can also reinforce some stances. I believe it is, towards the end, a group where people debate, so I don't think anyone is inherently right or wrong, and it depends on the individual and the way they want to address it.

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Sara Masood
Sara Masood
Dec 01, 2023
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Hi, yes Zoha this makes sense! but then "I believe it is, towards the end, a group where people debate" - 1) do you think another person's marriage or partnership should be in the public domain to debate upon? if yes 2) do you think all the context of the relationship can be provided? 3) do you think relaying information over posts and comments has high efficacy and nothing is lost in translation? 4) even if yes debates should be done - do you think a definitive yes-no approach is what should be taken? or suggestion and directions should be given and shared?

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Soo glad someone brought it up, though I feel platforms like 'Girls Power' are great and the women are always always helpful and give great advice but at times there is more to a side to a story than saying to leave someone for good, I know the people give advice based on good intentions but the person getting it could receive it as wrong, but again one can point out people do write paras explaining their situation and it's not always a 5-line para on which the viewers comment to leave their partner or call them as a red flag. You are right that social media has now created unrealistic expectations of relationships, many of us tend to believe…

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Sara Masood
Sara Masood
Dec 01, 2023
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Thank you Tabeer! I am glad you understood the point of this!

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Your blog gave me a great insight on things from a different perspective because I never thought about the posts on Girl Power this way. I do agree that one should have more context on a matter before giving any form of advice or opinion but then there is also the fact that some situations speak for themselves. When you talk about the posts on Girl Power where girls are asking for a third person perspective on a particular situation, I feel in some cases no matter what the underlying context is, the action about the party that is being discussed is evidently problematic enough to be put under the fire of the cancel culture. Nevertheless, your post very rightfull…

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Sara Masood
Sara Masood
Dec 01, 2023
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yes! it is important to realize that the girlhood should be very very strong but not turn delusional at some point. Because thinking that our own actions have no faults can lead to trouble. Oftentimes the human psyche looks for validation and goes to the place where they will be most validated - especially in times of conflict. but the best place to be at is the place that points out your flaws for you too. Girlpower serves as the validator - which is great sometimes but then becomes very harmful. https://www.healthshots.com/mind/mental-health/need-for-validation-and-its-effects-on-mental-health/ perhaps a read of this could shed more light - if we constantly receive a feedback where we are right, then we become averse to any criticism at…

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